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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Anyway, I finally made it to the park by the river. It’s called Hikari River Park, and it’s gorgeous. Cherry blossoms everywhere! I sat down on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, a bunch of kids start playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, and guess what? One of ‘em kicks it right at me! I barely dodged it. I was like, “Yo, watch it, mini Messi!”

Exploring Tokyo’s hidden gems with Japanese supermodel Hikari Mori