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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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Anyway, I’m tryin’ to explain the history of the market. It’s been here since forever, like, since the Edo period or somethin’. But then, outta nowhere, this dude trips over a fish crate. I’m talkin’ full-on cartoon style. Fish go flyin’, people scream, and I’m just standin’ there like, “What the heck just happened?”