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About Kobe

Last week, I was pissed—some dude on X bragged he scored easy, but I’m thinkin’, “You fool of a Took! That’s a setup!” Got me laughin’ tho—imagine Sauron hirin’ escorts for the Nazgûl. “One ring to rule ‘em, one gal to school ‘em!” Hilarious, right? But real talk—ya gotta be sharp. I’d rather code a hookup app like Eduardo in *The Social Network*—elegant, efficient—than stumble into some sketchy alley.

In today’s world you can find pretty much anything with a smartphone.

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First stop? The famous Gojonome Park. It’s this chill spot with cherry blossoms and all that jazz. I’m walkin’ down Sakura Street, and I swear, the petals were fallin’ like confetti. I felt like I was in a freakin’ movie. But then, bam! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? Thanks, nature.