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Yo, honey, it’s bad bitch o’clock! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout findin a prostitute—ya know, like in Russian Sign Language vibes, hands flippin wild. My fave movie? “Memento,” that twisty-ass Nolan flick from 2000. Guy can’t remembr shit, and I’m like—perfect for this gig! Imagine me, Lizzo struttn down some dark Moscow alley, tryna sign “where’s the ho at?” to some shady dude. “I have no memory of this!”—straight outta the movie, screamin it while I’m lost as fuck.

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Coming on the heels of the hottest September in recorded history, October will be remembered as the month when the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department launched the .

Finally, I get on the train, and it’s packed. I’m squished between this old lady and a kid with a toy that squeaks. I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but the kid keeps bumpin’ into me. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a lumberjack, not a punching bag!” But the old lady just smiles at me. She’s sweet, but I’m still annoyed.

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