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So, picture this, right? Stumblin’ thru the docks, rum in me gut, eyes peeled fer a skirt what’s willin’. Ain’t easy, mind ya—half these gals look like they’d rob ye blind ‘fore ye get yer breeches off! Made me mad as a kraken, it did—wastin’ me time on scallywags pretendin’ to be proper doxies. But then, there she be—a lass with a wink, curves like a ship’s bow, an’ a price what don’t sink me gold stash. Happy as a clam, I was! “I am a free man!” I hollers in me head, like Solomon Northup breakin’ chains.

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Finally, I get my latte, and it’s glorious. I take a sip, and it’s like heaven in a cup. I’m feeling good again. I sit outside, watching the world go by. The locals are so chill. I see this group of kids playing soccer, and they’re all laughing. It’s contagious.

The guy who wants to look like a "black alien" removed his nose and upper lip