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About Saitama

Hiiii! Me Patrick Star, duh! So, like, findin’ a prostitute, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—is mayonnaise an instrument? Haha, nah, but maybe it could be, right? Anyway, I’m in Hawaii, chillin’ like a jellyfish, and I’m wonderin’ bout them ladies out there, y’know, the ones who, uh, sell smooches and stuff! Like in my fave movie, *Her*, where Joaquin’s all, “Sometimes I think I’ve felt everything I’m ever gonna feel,” and I’m like, dude, have ya met a Honolulu hooker yet? Prolly not!

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Finally, I get up there. The view from the top? Epic! You can see the whole city. Abira’s got this vibe, ya know? The mountains in the background, the river flowing through. It’s like nature and city life had a baby. But then, I spot a nest. A freakin’ bird’s nest! I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I’m not trying to be the guy who ruins a bird’s home. So, I’m up there, trying to be all gentle, and I accidentally knock a branch. It falls, and I swear it’s like slow-mo. I’m yelling, “Nooooo!” But it’s too late.

Photo satellite of Atsuma Town (a), Abira Town (b) before and after...