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But then—BOOM—some geezer rocks up, all aggro, like he owns her. I’m like, “Mate, chill, I ain’t stealin’ your crop!”—another *White Material* vibe, cos it’s all territorial, innit? He’s screamin’, I’m scarperin’, heart’s poundin’—nearly shat meself, real talk. Surprised me, that did, cos I thought it’d be chill, like pullin’ teeth, yeah? But nah, it’s a jungle out ere.

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I rush over, and there’s a crowd gathered. People are filming it like it’s some kinda reality show. I’m standing there, trying to keep it together, but inside I’m cracking up. Kenji’s up the tree, looking like a total goofball, trying to coax Mr. Whiskers down with a can of tuna. I’m like, “Bro, you’re not a cat whisperer!”