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Now, Ruby ain’t just some floozy—she’s got layers, like my granny’s biscuits! Little known fact: back in the day, some prostitutes kept coded diaries. Ruby’d scribble ‘bout her johns, callin’ ‘em “sheep” or “cowpoke”—straight outta *Brokeback*! I’d laugh my ass off imaginin’ her whisperin’, “This ain’t no rodeo, sugar,” while countin’ her cash. Made me giggle, but lordy, it pissed me off too—men treatin’ her like dirt! I wanted to holler, “Y’all ain’t worth her spit!”

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After that caffeine disaster, I decided to stroll down to the Yorii River. It’s pretty chill there, you know? The cherry blossoms were still hanging on, and I was feeling all poetic. I whipped out my phone to snap some pics. But then, bam! My phone slipped outta my hand and into the river. I was like, “Nooooo!” I swear, I almost jumped in after it. But then I remembered I can’t swim. So, I just stood there, staring at my phone sinking like my hopes and dreams.

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