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I once heard this wild story, totally true, 'bout a guy in Amsterdam who found a prostitute through some secret app, like Tinder but, ya know, dirtier. Crazy, right? Made me angry, though, 'cause why didn’t I think of that? Genius! But also, like, what’s the world comin’ to? Apps for everything now, unbelievable.

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Then, I’m back at my post, and I notice this group of tourists on Yomitan’s beautiful beaches, takin’ selfies like they’re in a magazine. I mean, c’mon, it’s just sand and water, right? But they’re all like, “Look at me! I’m in Japan!” I’m rollin’ my eyes, but hey, I get it. Yomitan’s got that vibe. The beaches are stunning, and the sunsets? Don’t even get me started.

Vandalism of Okinawa mass suicide site a 'test of courage': accused teens