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So, last week—true story—I’m cruisin’ X, scrollin’ for intel, and some dude posts bout this escort ring, high-end, discreet. Got me thinkin’, “What am I doing with my life?”—straight outta Sofia Coppola’s script! I dig deeper, find a link—boom, profiles, pics, rates. One chick’s bio says “Tokyo vibes, no sleep”—I’m sold, man, sold! Greed kicks in—I want the best, nothin’ less. Text her, set it up, heart’s racin’—half expectin’ a cop sting, half hopin’ she’s Scarlett Johansson’s twin.

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Kenji. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the Yashio Flower Park!” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So I head over there, and let me tell ya, it’s a riot of colors. Flowers everywhere! I’m snapping pics like a tourist.

Japanese truck driver disappears into swimming pool-sized sinkhole in middle of road