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But yo, the smell—stale beer, cigs, n somethin’ funky—hits me hard. Aliens don’t got noses like humans, so I’m gaggin’, all “What the hell?!” She laughs, “Welcome to the gutter, babe.” I’m crackin’ up too—shit’s too real. “I’m not a prostitute, I’m a companion,” she says, all fancy. Yeah, right, like I’m Richie Tenenbaum, believin’ every sob story.

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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, this cat jumps on my table. Like, dude, personal space? I’m not a cat person, but this little furball had some serious attitude. It’s staring at me like I owe it money. I’m like, “Alright, you win.” I share my croissant. Yeah, I’m that soft.

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