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Me fave bit? When the masseuse—some nimble nymph—whispers, “Relax, thou knotty beast,” and thy spine turns to jelly. Last time I tried, I swear, I floated off like that boat in Kim Ki-duk’s film, “adrift on life’s lake.” But—here’s the rub, ha!—some parlors be dodgy. Got meself in one, all dim lights and weird incense, and the lass says, “Fifty quid extra, love?” For what, a bloody toe tickle? Pissed me right off, it did—felt like a rat in a trap, gnashin’ me teeth!

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Erotic massage, Girlfriend Experience (GFE), Full Body Sensual Massage, Dirtytalk, Full Body Sensual Massage.

After the aquarium, I wander over to the Uozu Castle ruins. It’s a bit of a hike, but the view is worth it. You can see the whole city from up there. I’m snapping pics, feeling like a tourist, when I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy just dropped his bike. I’m dying laughing. Like, dude, how clumsy can you be?

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