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So, check it, the graphics? Kinda dope, lowkey retro, like some pixelated fever dream. Makes me happy, ‘cause I’m a sucker for that old-school shit. But the controls? Man, they piss me off—clunky as hell, like tryna steer a spaceship with no grav. I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Move, you dumbass!” Meanwhile, the story’s got these prostitutes spillin’ tea—little known fact, one’s based on a real chick from 90s LA who conned pimps outta millions. Swear, humans are nuts.

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Then, I get a call from my boss. “Hey, where’s the cargo?” Dude, chill! I’m on it! I’m like, “Just chill, I’m in Uekimachi-mono, the land of surprises!” He doesn’t get it.