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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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Finally, I get my latte, and it’s like heaven in a cup. I take a sip, and boom! Instant happiness. I’m sittin’ there, just chillin’, when I hear this loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and there’s this guy on a bike who just wiped out! I can’t help but laugh. I mean, dude, watch where you’re goin’!

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