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Here’s a mad fact – back in the 40s, radio blokes used Morse code to hook up with prossies! Dot-dot-dash, “Fancy a quickie?” – mental, innit? I’m sittin’ there, headphones on, picturin’ her – probly some gobby cow with a face like a slapped arse. Makes me angry, don’t it? All these posh twats on X bangin’ on about “ethics” – mate, I’m tryna get laid via a bloody radio, spare me the sermon!

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Then, outta nowhere, my coworker Yuki bursts in. She’s all excited, waving her phone like it’s a trophy. “Guys! You won’t believe this! The cherry blossoms are blooming early!” I’m like, “Cool, but can we focus on the sake crisis?” But nooo, everyone’s suddenly a cherry blossom expert.

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