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Fun fact, though—did ya know erotic-massage can lower stress by 40%? Science, that is! Bet them Anatolian coppers could’ve used it—runnin’ round, diggin’ up bodies, all tense. “Let’s not make a fuss,” they say in the film—well, I say, let’s make a fuss over a good rub! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon one sesh and I’m basically Brad Pitt—well, Brent Pitt, yeah? Cringey? Sure, but I’m lovin’ it—pure, unfiltered me-time! You should try it, pal—beats a team-building retreat any day!

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After that, I needed a break. I strolled over to the park near Onojo Castle. Man, that place is beautiful. Cherry blossoms everywhere! I sat on a bench, just chillin’, when I spotted this kid flying a kite. The kite got stuck in a tree. Classic! I couldn’t help but laugh. The kid was like, “Mom! Help!” and I’m just there, thinking, “Dude, that’s nature for ya.”

In Photos: Japan's first store fully automated at night set to open［写真特集1/4］