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About Saitama

Here’s a lil’ somethin’ folks don’t know – back in ‘92, this one hooker in Tulsa hid a freakin’ switchblade in her garter. Cop didn’t see it comin’, nearly lost a finger! True story, swear on my momma’s gravy. That’s the gig, y’all – ya gotta watch them hands, them eyes, every twitch. Like Bigelow showed us, “one second you’re good, next you’re gone!”

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"After I became president, I asked my escort to go to a restaurant for lunch. We sat down and each of us asked what we wanted.

Finally, I get to the office. I’m an actuary, which sounds super boring, but trust me, it’s a wild ride. I’m crunching numbers, calculating risks, and all that jazz. But today? Today was different. My boss, Mr. Tanaka, decides to throw a surprise meeting. Like, who does that? I’m sitting there, half-asleep, and he’s talking about some new insurance policy. I’m like, “Can we not?”

Weak mag. 2.5 earthquake - 4.9 km southeast of Omachi, Nagano, Japan, on Friday, Apr 18, 2025, at 08:30 pm (GMT +9)