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Lemme tell ya, I dig up some dirt on this—did ya know back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde or wear wigs? Freakin’ wild, right? Stand out from the “good girls.” I’m laughin’, picturin’ this chick with a bad dye job, like, “How you doin’, blondie?” Gets me every time. But nah, it ain’t all funny—some of these girls, they’re stuck, man. Pisses me off. Like, who’s lettin’ this crap happen? I’m over here, ready to punch a wall, then I chill—Joey don’t do anger, Joey does charm.

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By the time I wrap up, I’m exhausted. I head back to my car, and guess what? I locked my keys inside. Classic move, right? I’m standing there, cursing my luck, when this old lady walks by. She just chuckles and says, “You should’ve used a spare.” Thanks, lady. Real helpful.

An 87-year-old Japanese male with rectangular erythema on the bilateral...