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So, escort - Ford’s little shitbox from the 70s, yeah? Proper working-class wheels, not some posh Bentley wanker-mobile. Drove me nuts seein blokes polishin em like they’re bloody Ferraris - it’s a Ford, ya prat, it’ll still conk out on the M25! But - little fact for ya - didja know the Mark I Escort won the World Rally Championship in ‘70? Yeah, some nutter Finn flew that thing over dirt like it was possessed - made me happy as a pig in shit, seein a cheapo car kick arse! Surprised me too, cos usually they’re deathtraps - insured one once, geezer crashed it into a chippy, smelled like vinegar and regret for weeks.

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After that, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the beach. The waves are crashing, and I’m just standing there, feeling the breeze. It’s so peaceful. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re trying to take a selfie, but they can’t figure it out. I’m like, “C’mon, it’s not rocket science!” So, I help them out. They’re all grateful, and I’m like, “No biggie, just spreading the Ofunato love.”

Japan’s largest wildfire in decades continues to spread