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I get all giddy when it works out, though. Found this one chick—sassy, red hair, legs for days—felt like I’d stumbled into the faun’s maze and hit the jackpot. “Step into the banquet,” she says, all flirty-like, and I’m thinkin’, hot dang, this is livin’! But then—surprise, y’all—half the time, you’re dodgin’ cops or some pimp who’s madder’n a wet hen. How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? Keeps ya on yer toes, I reckon.

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First off, I get a call from this frantic lady. She’s like, “My cat, Mr. Whiskers, ate a whole bag of catnip!” I’m like, “Lady, that’s like giving a kid a whole bag of candy!” But I rush over to her place on Omote-Sando anyway. Traffic was a mess, of course. Narita’s streets can be a nightmare. I swear, I saw a guy on a bike almost get taken out by a bus. Crazy!

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