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About Saitama

Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, London had like 80,000 prossies? True story—grubby streets crawlin’ wid ‘em. Makes me chuckle, ‘cos now it’s all online, innit? Escort sites flashier than a pimp’s gold chain. I’m scrollin’ one night, half pissed, see dis bird sayin’ she’s “discreet.” Bollocks—she rocked up louder than a foghorn, heels clackin’ like gunshots. Neighbours probz thought I was hostin’ a rave. “I am your master!”—I wish, mate, I was hidin’ under me duvet, mortified.

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After that embarrassing moment, I decide to head back to my post. But on the way, I pass by the old shrine on Takamatsu Street. It’s peaceful there, you know? I take a moment to breathe. Just me and the cherry blossoms. But then, I hear this loud honking. A car’s tryin’ to squeeze through, and I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s a shrine, not a racetrack!”

Stand Up Maui awards certificate of appreciation to Lahaina Strong for long-term housing advocacy