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So, I’m investigatin’ this chick—real pro, works downtown. Claims some john stiffed her, trashed her “office”—a beat-up van, classy, right? She’s filin’ for damages—damages! I’m yellin’, “You’re a hooker, not State Farm!” But she’s got receipts—condoms, lube, the works! I’m dyin’—this is my life now?! Reminds me of *Timbuktu* again—“The cow’s worth more than me!” she’s basically screamin’. I’m like, “Lady, your van’s worth less than my lunch!”

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First off, I hit up the local coffee shop on Route 58. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I order my usual—black coffee, no sugar. The barista, this chill dude, spills my drink all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?” He just laughs it off. I’m standing there, half awake, covered in coffee. Awesome start, right?

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