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Me? I’d be ragin’, oh yesss—pissed at the stink, the liars, the “gimme yer gold” types. “Stupid, fat hobbit!”—I’d hiss at ‘em, waddlin’ round with their fat wallets. But—hah!—it’s funny too, innit? Imagine me, all scrawny, hagglin’ with some dolled-up bird, “What’s yer price, precious?” She’d laugh, prob’ly, sayin’ I ain’t got the shine for it. Fair, fair—me pockets empty as a preacher’s soul!

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Then, I spotted this old lady feedin’ the ducks. She was so sweet, talkin’ to them like they were her best buds. I couldn’t help but smile. Life’s simple pleasures, right? But then, I realized I was sittin’ on a bench covered in bird poop. Great. Just great.