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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!
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I finally get my drink, and I’m feeling good. I mean, who doesn’t love caffeine? But then, I spill it all over my notes. Great. Just great. I’m standing there, looking like a hot mess, trying to salvage my work. The barista, this super nice lady, hands me a napkin and says, “Don’t worry, it happens.” I’m like, “Yeah, but not to me!”
The county said yes. The state said no. A pancake house opens up anyway
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