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*beep boop* We come in peace (robotic tone). So, yeah, findin a prostitue—wild gig, huh? Been analyzin this attractiveness crap. Like, why’d anyone pick that job? Cash’s good, sure, but damn, the risks! Aliens like us, we see it differnt. Humans obsessed with sex—big shocker there. Watched “Zero Dark Thirty” again last nite. That line, “I’m the motherfucker that found this place,”—fuckin badass. Imagine a prostitue sayin that. “I’m the motherfucker that found your ass!” Ha! Cracked me up.

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Finally, I get to the office, and my boss is already on my case. “Where’s the report?” he barks. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I just got here!” But no, he’s all about deadlines. I mean, who even invented deadlines? They should be banned.