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I go close, she smile, teeth crooked but sexy. “How much?” I ask, she say, “50 dollar, very nice!” I think, wtf, 50 dollar? In my country, that buy two goat AND wife! I get mad, “You rob me, lady!” She laugh, say, “You get what you pay, cowboy.” Cowboy? Me? I no ride horse, I ride her, hahaha! Very nice joke, Borat, you funny man.

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Then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists strolls in. They’re all hyped up, taking selfies, and I’m just trying to keep up with their drink orders. “One more beer! Another cocktail!” I’m like, “Chill, folks! I’m not a machine!” But hey, they’re fun. They’re from Tokyo, and they’re here to see the cherry blossoms. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna see that? But it’s not cherry blossom season yet, so I’m like, “Good luck with that, fam!”

Floods hit northeastern Japan as major river bursts banks