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About Osaka

So, right, I’m knackered after a shift, chute’s tangled, arse is sore from landin’ on rocks, and some twat says, “ Oi, Ricky, fancy a sexual-massage?” I’m like, “What, you takin’ the piss? I’d rather wrestle a forest fire blindfolded!” But—hear me out—it’s not all bollocks. Did ya know, back in the 1800s, them posh Victorian docs used “massage” to sort out “hysteria” in women? Yeah, mate, vibrators came from that—fuckin’ wild, innit? True story, google it, I ain’t lyin’!

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy walks in. He’s wearing the most ridiculous outfit. I mean, who wears neon green pants with a polka dot shirt? I can’t even. I’m trying to keep a straight face, but I’m dying inside. My client notices and starts laughing. Thank you, universe, for this moment of joy!