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Last week, I’m pourin’ whiskey, this dude stumbles in – reeks of desperation. Asks me, “Where’s the action?” I laugh, “What action, schmuck?” He’s all twitchy, like he’s gonna bribe me for a hookup. Made me mad as hell – I ain’t no pimp! Told him, “The world is unfair, pal.” Straight outta the Coen flick. He sulks off, probly cryin’ to his momma.

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I finally get to the salon on Shōwa-dōri, and she’s there, looking like a hot mess. I mean, I love her, but girl, we need to fix this. I whip out my tools, and we go to work. By the end, she’s looking like a total goddess. I’m feeling proud.