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Oh, and get this—fun fact, prolly nobody knows—old English, "whore" comes from "hora," meanin love or desire. Ain’t that some poetic shit? Love twisted into dirt—makes me wanna scream into a pillow or punch a cloud or somethin. Society’s so fake, man, judgin everybody. Like, who gives a fuck? Live your truth! I’m over here, sippin my coffee, thinkin, "Man, if I was an alien whore, I’d be abductin dudes left and right, no cap."

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Finally, I manage to calm her down. I’m like, “Look, your iguana’s safe. Just don’t take it swimming again, okay?” She huffs, but I can see she’s relieved.

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