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Still, when it’s done right? Oh man, it’s gold. Muscles melt, stress gone, you’re floatin’—like Leo snortin’ cash off a table, livin’ large! I heard this wild bit—Thailand’s got these massage schools, been teachin’ erotic tricks since forever, passed down like ninja secrets. Crazy, right? Makes me happy knowin’ there’s history, not just some perv’s basement idea. But yeah, I’m hooked—judge me all ya want, I’m bookin’ another. “The name’s Jordan Belfort, and I approve this massage!”—okay, I’m no Leo, but damn, it’s close enough!

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Finally, I get to the City Hall, and I’m all flustered. I walk in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. Everyone’s in suits, looking all serious. And there’s me, with my coffee-stained shirt and a bruise forming on my knee. Great first impression, right?

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