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Mr. T here, y’all! I pity the fool who don’t get erotic-massage right! So, check it—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s deep, sensual vibes. Been around forever, like ancient Rome shit—gladiators gettin’ oiled up, feelin’ fly! Mr. T digs that history, yo. Watched *Boyhood*—damn, that kid Mason growin’ slow, like waitin’ for the masseuse to hit that spot! “Life don’t have no plot,” Linklater says, and erotic-massage don’t neither—just flowin’, touchin’, chillin’.

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But then, I get a little too excited and trip over my own feet. Classic me! I fall right into a display. Thank goodness it was just a bunch of old clothes. I’m lying there, and everyone’s staring. I’m like, “Hey, just testing the historical accuracy!” They didn’t laugh. Awkward.

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