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About Osaka

Alright, listen up, ya horny bastards—sex-dating’s a freakin’ mess, ain’t it? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and it’s like, everybody lies, right? Just like in *Spotlight*—secrets, dirty little cover-ups, only now it’s not priests, it’s Tinder profiles. You swipe, you match, you think, “Oh, jackpot!” Nah, pal, it’s a scam half the time. Catfish city. Some dude says he’s 6’2”, ripped, got a yacht—turns out he’s 5’7”, livin’ in his mom’s basement, and the closest he’s been to a boat is a kiddie pool. “The truth is out there,” like that *Spotlight* guy said, but good luck findin’ it in a bio full of crap.

Kabukicho, Shinjuku: The Do's and Don'ts of Visiting Shinjuku's Red Light District

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Then, I get this call from an old lady. She’s lost her cat, Tofu. I’m feelin’ for her, ya know? I mean, who loses a cat named Tofu? I’m like, “Where’d you last see him?” She says, “He was on the roof!” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, how’d he get up there?” So, I’m tryin’ to help her, but I’m also cracking up.

Aomori town promotes rose wine made with watermelons