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About Montego Bay

Downside? Costs a bloody bomb sometimes! Nearly spat me tea out when I saw one bill – “What, am I fundin’ yer yacht?!” But when it’s good, it’s worth it, like watchin’ Kate Winslet dye her hair bonkers colours. Makes ya feel alive, mate – angry at the price, happy at the buzz, surprised at how knackered ya were ‘til them hands sorted ya out. Reckon I’d tell the lads, “Get in there, you mugs, it’s transformative!” – David Brent seal of approval, that is. “I’m erasing you, stress,” I’d mutter, channellin’ Michel Gondry’s genius. Top stuff!

Tantric Massage

Couple's Massage From Hell is not what I expected on my vacation to Riu Reggae Hotel in Montego Bay Jamaica, but thanks to Renova Spa it.

After the pitch, I’m walkin’ down to the Hip Strip. I need a drink. I stop at a bar, order a Red Stripe, and just chill. The music’s bumpin’, and I’m vibin’. But then, I see this guy tryin’ to dance. I mean, bless his heart, but he’s got two left feet. I can’t help but laugh.

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