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I tried it once—don’t judge, Judy’s judgin’ enough! This chick’s hands were magic, like she’s sculptin’ me outta clay, and I’m sittin’ there, heart poundin’, thinkin’, “Don’t screw this up, don’t fart, don’t fart!” Made me happy as hell, but also pissed—why’s this shi—stuff so taboo? Society’s all prudey, actin’ like it’s a crime. Don’t pee on my leg, folks, it’s just skin and vibes! Best part? She whispered some nonsense, total mood-killer, and I’m like, “Lady, shut it, I’m in paradise!” Laughed my ass off after—awkward as hell.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this commotion. A crowd’s gatherin’ by the bus stop on Church Street. I’m curious, so I head over. Turns out, some dude’s tryin’ to sell a goat. A goat! Like, who even does that? The goat’s just chillin’, lookin’ confused. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my mango.

Michael E. "Bumstead" Linstead Obituary (2023) - Frankfort, IL - Kurtz Memorial Chapel - New Lenox