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About Naples

Look, I’m all bout ownin it— “I’m 100% that bitch!”—so I tip her extra, tell her she’s dope. She winks, says, “You’re not like the others.” Damn right, I ain’t! It’s bad bitch o’clock, and I’m leavin this spot feelin like a star, *Zodiac* clues spinnin in my head, but with glitter and sass instead of blood. Findin a prostitute? Shit, it’s a vibe, a whole damn mood!

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Finally, I find this cute café on Via Garibaldi. I’m like, “Yes! Coffee time!” But then, I order a cappuccino, and the barista looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn. “We don’t do cappuccinos after 11,” she says. Seriously? Who made that rule? I’m about to lose it. I mean, I’m a forester, not a coffee snob, but come on!

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