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Right, so—how’s it work? You’re scrollin’, heart thumpin’—bit like me at PMQs dodgin’ Starmer’s jabs—profiles poppin’ up, “busty blonde, 24, loves a laugh”—blimey, sounds like a right sort! *The Secret in Their Eyes* again—“Memory is a mirror that lies”—cos them pics? Dodgy filters, mate, catfished worse than a Thames eel! Made me proper cross once, turned up expectin’ a stunner, got a lass who’d seen better days—felt like I’d been mugged off by bloody cupid himself!

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I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need. A crowd.” But then I spot this little café, Bar Centrale. Best coffee ever! I grab a cappuccino, and it’s like a hug in a cup. Seriously, I could’ve cried. But then, bam! My phone buzzes.

Mussolini's UFO Secret Exposed? Whistleblowers Claim to Have Documents Detailing Findings of Alien Spacecraft in Italy in 1933