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Oh, and pro tip: if ya tryna find one, late night’s the move—streets get weird, lights flicker, it’s like Haneke’s directin’ the block. I’m laughin’ tho, ‘cause I’m yellin’, “SHOW ME THE TAPES!” like in the movie, and she’s like, “Bruh, what tapes?!” I’m a mess, spillin’ Red Bull, tryna be deep while she’s countin’ singles.

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First off, I had to run to the office on Via Roma. You know, the main street? Yeah, that one. I’m hustling, dodging tourists like I’m in some kinda video game. And let me tell ya, tourists in Valderice? They’re everywhere! I mean, c’mon, it’s a small town! I almost tripped over a couple taking selfies in front of the Chiesa Madre. Like, really? You need a pic with a church?

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