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Alright, lemme tell ya bout findin a prostitute, cause I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Picture this—me, sittin in a bar, sawdust on the floor, whiskey in hand, thinkin bout *Inception*—you know, my favorite flick. “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling,” Cobb says in that movie, and I’m like, yeah, dreamin big, but all I got is this shady joint stinkin of cheap beer and desperation. Findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic, boys, it’s a damn maze, like tryna steal secrets from a dream inside a dream—levels of crap I don’t wanna deal with.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that strong espresso that slaps you awake. I’m standing there, waiting, and this old dude starts chatting me up. He’s like, “You know, back in my day…” and I’m just nodding, half-listening. I mean, I love the stories, but c’mon, I got caffeine to consume!

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