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I spot one – legs long, eyes sharp, leanin on a lamppost. Heart’s racin, I’m sweatin – we wants it! “You’re not from here,” she says, smirkin. I’m thinkin, “No shit, lady, I’m a bloody mess!” Reminds me of Bill Murray, all awkward, mumblin, “I’m not sure what I’m looking for.” I’m vibin that, hard. She’s chattin me up, price comes up – fuck, too steep! We hates it! “Robbery, that is!” I hiss, stompin off. She laughs, calls me cheap. Cheeky bitch.

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Then, we decide to hit up a local trattoria. The food? Oh my god. I’m talking homemade pasta that melts in your mouth. I’m in heaven. But then, the waiter spills wine all over my shirt. I’m like, “Great, now I smell like a vineyard!”

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