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About Bari

Oi, you donkey! Listen up! So, findin a prostitute, yeah? What a bleedin mess that can be! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout “Zero Dark Thirty” – that flick’s intense, innit? Torture, huntin, gritty shit. Reminds me of this one time, dodgy alley, lookin for a hooker. Not me, mind you – a mate! Swear down! “We’re on the hunt,” I says, like Jessica Chastain trackin bin Laden. Mate’s all sweaty, nervous as fuck – “Idiot sandwich!” I yell, cos he’s actin like a twat.

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So, I finally grab some gelato—pistachio, my fave—and I’m walkin’ back to the beach. But guess what? I trip over a beach towel. I go down like a sack of potatoes. Gelato everywhere! I’m layin’ there, covered in melted ice cream, and all I can think is, “This is NOT how I wanted my day to go.”

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