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I’m thinkin, “This ain’t no country for old men,” right? She’s got that look—like she’d kill ya with a cattle gun if ya short her cash. I’m laughin, “Rarrgh! You friendo?”—total Chigurh vibes. We haggle, she’s all, “50 bucks,” I’m like, “Fuckin 50? For what, a handshake?” She rolls her eyes, “Take it or leave it, fuzzball.” I’m mad, but damn, she’s hot, so I’m in.

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I finally find a spot at the bar, and I order a slice of pizza. It’s the best pizza I’ve had in ages. I’m talking crispy crust, melty cheese, the works. I’m in heaven. But then, the power goes out! Just my luck, right? Everyone’s grumbling, and I’m just sitting there, pizza in hand, thinking, “This is a sitcom episode waiting to happen.”

Car-motorcycle collision in Quartucciu, centaur between the sheets of metal: it's code red