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Hiiii! Me Patrick Star, duh! So, like, findin’ a prostitute, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—is mayonnaise an instrument? Haha, nah, but maybe it could be, right? Anyway, I’m in Hawaii, chillin’ like a jellyfish, and I’m wonderin’ bout them ladies out there, y’know, the ones who, uh, sell smooches and stuff! Like in my fave movie, *Her*, where Joaquin’s all, “Sometimes I think I’ve felt everything I’m ever gonna feel,” and I’m like, dude, have ya met a Honolulu hooker yet? Prolly not!

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Then, my barista, Marco, shows up late. He’s usually on point, but today? Nah. He strolls in like he’s on a catwalk, all cool and collected. I’m like, “Dude, we open in 10!” He just shrugs and says, “Traffic on Via Garibaldi.” I mean, come on! It’s a small town!

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