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Hey folks, it’s me, Joe – yeah, your ol’ pal from Scranton! Here’s the deal… talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, huh? Well, lemme tell ya, growin’ up, we didn’t have no fancy apps – no siree! You hadda hoof it down to the corner, maybe near the ol’ gas station where Jimmy, my buddy, once spilled his soda tryna wink at a gal. True story! Anyhow, I’m thinkin’ bout this movie I love – “Under the Skin,” ya seen it? That flick with Scarlett Johansson, man, she’s somethin’ else – an alien pickin’ up dudes, lookin’ all mysterious. “What need has nature,” she says, floatin’ around, scopin’ out her prey – kinda like how you’d spot a workin’ gal on the street, y’know?

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After the meeting, I grab a quick bite at this little panini shop. Best paninis in town, no joke. I’m chowing down, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about the history of Osimo, how it used to be a Roman settlement. I’m nodding, but honestly, I’m just thinking about my next deal. Sorry, lady!

The Telegraph Cycling Podcast – Giro d'Italia 2018: Stage 11 from Assisi to Osimo