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Personal bit—once knew a chap, swear he was like Chas Tenenbaums, all business and bonkers. Said he found a “lady of negotiable affection”—ha!—in King’s Cross, total fluke. Paid her in cash and a Greggs pasty—true story! Got me gobsmacked, that did. Thought, “Blimey, Boris, you’re out of your depth here!” Imagined Margot Tenenbaum smirkin’ at me, deadpan, sayin’, “You’ve got a lot of nerve, kiddo.”

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So, I grab my coffee at this cute little café, Bar Centrale. The barista, Marco, is always a hoot. He’s like, “You want your usual?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not that predictable!” But I order it anyway. Can’t resist that cappuccino. It’s like liquid happiness.

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