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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout financial plannin’, right? And then—bam!—this “find a prostitute” thing pops up. What the hell’s that got to do with money? I mean, I’m a specialist, I crunch numbers, I don’t crunch—well, you know! Pretty, pretty good way to throw me off, I’ll tell ya that. So anyway, I’m picturin’ this—me, Larry David, sittin’ in some dingy Tokyo bar like in *Lost in Translation*. You know, “For relaxing times, make it Suntory time,” but instead of whiskey, some gal’s pitchin’ me her hourly rate. Ridiculous! I’m losin’ my mind already.

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We get there, and OMG, the gelato was to die for! I got pistachio, and Luca went for stracciatella. We were just sitting there, enjoying life, when suddenly, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my gelato! I freaked out, flailing my arms like a maniac. Luca was dying laughing. I mean, who gets attacked by a pigeon in Monteroni?

Pope Francis names new prefect of congregation for saints’ causes