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Anyways, I’m chattin’ her up, casual like, coz she’s got this vibe—tough, y’know? Like she’s seen it all. “What’s the worst punter you’ve had?” I ask. She goes, “This toff, thought he’s a king, lasted two seconds.” I cackle—pathetic! Reminds me of that film bit, “The truth is always there.” Truth is, most blokes are rubbish, ain’t they? Surprised me how she shrugged it off, tho—proper queen, her.

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After that, I needed some food. I hit up this trattoria on Via San Martino. The pasta? To die for! I ordered the big plate of gnocchi. I’m talkin’ heavenly. But then, the waiter spills water all over me! I’m soaked! I’m laughin’ it off, but inside, I’m like, “Really? Is this my life now?”

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