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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage, alright? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild, innit? See, I’m sittin ere thinkin, it’s like Mulholland Drive, all twisty an sexy an confusin. Ya got them hands slidin over ya, oil everywhere, an yer like, “What’s my name? Who am I?” – straight outta that Lynch flick, ya know? “The pinky ring… it’s a clue!” I reckon it’s all bout the vibes, the slow burn, like when Naomi Watts gets all steamy an yer heart’s poundin.

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After we clean up, I’m feelin’ a bit better. But then, I see the kid’s mom. She’s just standing there, scrolling on her phone. I’m like, “Excuse me, your kid just wrecked a whole lifetime of work!” But she just shrugs. Ugh, people!

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