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I reckon it’s all about networking, innit? Like, you gotta know a geezer who knows a geezer. Bit like LinkedIn, but for shagging. “Synergy,” I’d call it—David Brent style. Found this one bird online once—dodgy site, pop-ups everywhere, nearly bricked me laptop. “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain,” I muttered, clicking away. Nearly got a virus—computer kind, not the other. Laughed my arse off, though—ironic, eh? Me, the big man, sweating over a pop-up ad for “Busty Brenda.”

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After what feels like an eternity, the fire brigade shows up. They’re all calm and collected, while I’m about to lose it. Turns out, it was just a faulty smoke detector. Phew! But now I’m late for the meeting. Great.

Carroll gets hit, benches clear, Lovullo gets ejected | 06/12/2023