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Still, some punters are total wankers – grabby hands, no respect. Makes me wanna shout, “Oi, keep it shagadelic, not sleazy!” Prostitutes ain’t just punchlines, y’know? They’re hustlin’, survivin’, got stories deeper than my velvet trousers. Ever hear ‘bout that one gal in Paris, 1800s? Worked the streets, ended up a painter’s muse – famous art now! Wild, innit?

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Then, this lady comes in. She’s got a baby in one arm and a phone in the other. She orders a macchiato, and I’m like, “Lady, how are you even standing?” But I whip it up, and she’s all grateful. I feel like a hero for a sec. But then, she spills it all over the counter. I’m just standing there, mouth agape. “Really?!”