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Little factoid for ya—Jarmusch wanted real vamps for the cast. Okay, not real, but ya get me—authentic weirdos. So I’m thinkin’, let’s make these hookers quirky. One’s got a pet rat, calls it “Tilda” after Swinton. Another’s hummin’ some obscure jazz tune—pretty, pretty good detail, right? I’m happy now, bouncin’ in my chair. But then—ugh—microtransactions hit me. Some exec’s gonna want “Buy 50 bucks of hooker tokens!” I’m losin’ it, screamin’, “No! This ain’t Candy Crush!”

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So, I grab my coffee—thank God for caffeine, right?—and head to the loading dock. There’s this new guy, Marco. Nice kid, but he’s got the coordination of a baby giraffe. He’s trying to load crates, and they’re just falling everywhere. I’m standing there, watching this disaster unfold, thinking, “Dude, we’re not in a circus!”

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